Linda Mann~admin. left a comment on Funny Ha-Ha!
Sep 15
Linda Mann~admin. left a comment on Funny Ha-Ha!
"For her surgery to fuse some vertebrae in her neck, my niece planned ahead. She knew she would have to wear a brace with four steel rods screwed into her skull and attached to a rigid upper-body cast during her recovery, so she brought to the hospit…"
Sep 15
Linda Mann~admin. posted a discussion in Funny Ha-Ha!
Genuine Notes from Patients' Medical Charts
She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was hot in bed last night.
The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
Discharge status: Alive but without my permissio…
Sep 15
Linda Mann~admin. and Abbey Nicole are now friends
Sep 4
Linda Mann~admin. posted a discussion
Years ago, I was taking an algebra class over the summer, and had a teacher who liked to reminisce about his past with funny stories. He relates that he had been a math teacher in the Air Force, where it was his duty to force sleepy young recruits t…
Sep 1
Linda Mann~admin. posted a discussion
You Know You're Too Stressed If...
1. Relatives that have been dead for years come visit you and suggest that you should get some rest.
2. You can achieve a "Runners High" by sitting up.
3. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizin…
Aug 18
Linda Mann~admin. left a comment on Funny Ha-Ha!
"Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.
The first one, a…"
Aug 11
Linda Mann~admin. posted a discussion
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because the truth was too humiliating. I simply mentioned that I ha…
Jul 21
Linda Mann~admin. posted a discussion
"Here's my strategy on the Cold War: We win, they lose."
"The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help."
"The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant: It's just that they k…
Jul 7
Flash and Linda Mann~admin. are now friends
Jun 28
Linda Mann~admin. left a comment on Funny Ha-Ha!
"If you can make a fist, you can figure out if the time is right to be digging around your garden.
Robin Potter, a Pennsylvania Horticultural Society lecturer, said soil needs to be warm to be worked, and the easiest way to determine that is to just…"
Jun 16
Linda Mann~admin. posted a discussion in Funny Ha-Ha!
- Learn Ancient Asian Techniques
- Develop Impressive Skills
- Learn the Art of Control
- Build Self-Confidence
- Protect Yourself
- Train with exotic Implements
- Achieve your Maximum Potential
New Class meets Tuesday and Thur…
Jun 16
Linda Mann~admin. and Amy Smardz are now friends
Jun 16
Linda Mann~admin. is now a member of Recipe Bin
Jun 7
Linda Mann~admin. is now a member of Female Supremacy
Jun 3
Linda Mann~admin. and ZariaAcacia are now friends
May 27

The World According to Andy Rooney

On Ads In Bills:
Have you ever noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels...I write, "Could you throw this away for me? Thank You."

On Fabric Softener:
My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me (sniff) 'Married' (walk off). That's how they mark their territory. You can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.

On Pregnancy:
It's weird when pregnant women feel the baby kicking. They say, "Oh my God. He's kicking. Do you wanna feel it?" I always feel awkward reaching over there. Come on! It's weird to ask someone to feel your stomach. I don't do that when I have gas. "Oh my God...give me your hand...It won't be long now..."

On Grandma:
My grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car that says, "Sexy Senior Citizen". You don't want to think of your grandmother that way, do you? Out entering wet shawl contests. Makes you wonder where she got that dollar she gave you for your birthday.

On Prisons:
Did you know that it costs forty-thousand dollars a year to house each prisoner? Jeez, for forty-thousand bucks a piece I'll take a few prisoners into my house. I live in Los Angeles. I already have bars on the windows.

On Award Shows:
Can you believe how many award shows they have now? They have awards for commercials. The Cleo Awards, a whole show full of commercials. I taped it and then I fast-forwarded through the whole thing.

On Phone-In-Polls:
You know those shows where people call in and vote on different issues? Did you ever notice there's always like 18% that say "I don't know". It costs 90 cents to call up and vote... They're voting "I don't know." "Honey, I feel very strongly about this. Give me the phone. (Into Phone) I DON'T KNOW!" (Hangs up looking proud.) "Sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe you're not sure about." This guy probably calls up phone sex girls for $2.95 to say "I'm not in the mood."

On Answering Machine:
Did you ever hear one of these corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? "Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is 'Share the love.' Beep." "Uh, yeah...this is the VD clinic calling... Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love."


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Fulton, NY


June 4

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